Frustration
by lynnthornWeasley
Summary: Darren has a problem and he keeps it bottled with the help of alcohol. He has a anxiety attacks, nightmares, troubling thoughts, one night he finally loses it and harms himself. Will the one man who is the center of Darren's thoughts find out what's wrong with him? Read and find out.
1. Chapter 1

I was frustrated, on the verge of crying, I wanted to rip my hair out, I felt like screaming. I knew I couldn't though, I was only dreaming.  
I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. I rushed outside of my tent. The whole camp was dead, everyone was asleep. I took a few deep breaths. Lately, my dreams have been nightmares, I hated them. I hated people seeing me so emotionally 'out-of-it'. I calmed down, went back inside, crawled back into my hammock, I shut my eyes and said a small prayer to the Vampire Gods, and drifted away into another hell I called a dream.  
I'm Darren Shan, half Vampire. I'm an assistant to a Vampire named Larten Crepsley, a tall, pale, lean man with a crop of orange hair. Secretly I thought he was a very handsome man. A large scare ran down the left side of his face, made it worse. We currently work and preform at a traveling circus called the Cirque Du Freak, A loving family of freaks.  
My best friend, Evra Von, he's a snake boy, Mostly human, partly snake. He and I have been though a lot together. I've been working at the Cirque for about two years now, love every day of it. The 'Ring leader' of the circus was Mr. Tall. Ironically, he was extremely tall. Me, being 5'10, I still had to look up to look him in the eyes.  
Anyways, I used to share a tent with Evra, about four months I started having my mood swings. I would sometimes cry in my sleep, Evra would wake me up and tell me what was going on. I didn't feel like bothering him anymore. One day, a little incident happened. I took full advantage of it. I accidently walked in on Evra.. Playing with himself. I think I was more embarrassed than him, but I hinted at Mr. Tall about what happened. He said he understood and moved me into a tent next to Evra. Me and Evra are still very close friends.  
A few months ago, Me, Evra, and Mr. Crepsley, all had to go out of town, to Mr. Crepsleys hometown to be exact. We had some personal business to take care of. -We had to kill a crazed Vampaneze- A vampaneze is the vampires cousins. About 400 years ago they were all vampires living under the same rules, until a disagreement spread across them, a small group broke away from the pack and made their own rules and laws plus, we vampires don't kill when we drink from humans, vampaneze do.-  
anyway, while we were there I stumbled upon a girl named Debbie Hemlock. We dated for a few days while we were there but it didn't work out much. I let Evra meet Debbie, He liked her. Ugh. After I got back from the city I started getting strange feelings when I was around Evra and Mr. Crepsley. Even though all Evra talked about was Debbie. Debbie this, Debbie that.  
One day, we had moved on, farther up north. We had an excellent show Friday night, until one of my mood swings hit right after the show. I was back stage, my face was paler than normal, I was in the dressing room with Mr. Crepsley, when it happened. My hands turned into fists and my chest tightened. I told Mr. Crepsley. "Hey, I don't feel good. So can I go?" What is wrong?" He asked. "Eh, I just feel sick." I paused. "I gotta go!" I almost yelled at him. I ran out of there, I sprinted to my tent. As soon as I got there I started crying. I sat in the floor, sobbing, my hands covering my face. "Darren! What is wrong!?" The voice from my tent door made shivers run up my back.  
I had been caught.  
It was Mr. Crepsley. I didn't answer. I couldn't, I was crying to hard. He let himself in and sat next to me. He put an arm around me. I felt comfort surround me. This was the first time I've felt this good in months. All I could do is cry more. His grip tightened around me, I rested my head against his shoulder. I began to calm down again. It's like his touch triggered something. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me, I couldn't talk so I just shook my head.  
A few minutes later I started talking. "Well," I paused "It all started about three months ago.. Ever since we got back really..." I sighed "Go on." Mr. Crepsley spoke. "Well, ever since Debbie and Evra started dating-" I was interrupted by the shocked voice of Mr. Crepsley. "They're dating!?" He growled "That's!" He paused to find the appropriate word to use. "It's going to be a very frustrating time." He sighed "Yeah, sexually frustrating.." I muttered "Excuse me?" Mr. Crepsley asked. "Nothing!" I smiled weakly. "Darren, I expect you to get a lot of healthy sleep tonight…" He said as he stood and helped me up. "Yes sir." I nodded. He smiled a rare smiled that made my insides melt. He nodded and headed for the door. "Good night, Darren." He said looking over his shoulder. "Good night sir." I said, and he vanished. I slumped against the wall. "I love you Mr. Crepsley." I said with a whisper.


	2. Chapter 2

That night I slept amazingly! No nightmares what so ever. I feel so good! That following morning I threw on some clothes and a smile, I walked outside to find people packing. I didn't know what was going on so I wondered off to find Mr. Tall. I found him observing some performers moving. "Sir," I stepped up after the performers had moved on. "Yes, Master Darren?" He spoke softly. "We're leaving?" I asked "We just got here!" Mr. Tall smirked. "Yes, but some authorities have forced us to leave." "Where are we going?" I questioned. He turned and smiled, "Places Master Shan, Places." He took a step and vanished.  
I wondered off, I came across Mr. Crepsley's tent I thought about waking him. I shrugged and slipped inside. The tent was dark; his coffin was in the center. Having had to wake him up multiple times already, I simply knocked on the tip of his coffin, no answer. He was always a stubborn sleeper, I waited a few minutes. Sighing I threw open the lid of the coffin.  
A long dragged out groan came out from inside the coffin. I looked down at the freshly awoken beautiful green eyes. "Wake up." I smiled. "Why? What's wrong?" He spoke as he sat up rubbing his eyes. "We're leaving, the police found out about us." I said moving aside as he crawled out of his coffin. He was stunning. Wait! What am I thinking, He's my mentor! He started changing in front of me! He took his shirt off and I completely froze.  
Seconds seemed like minutes, I snapped out of it. I had realized I was staring **hard** at Mr. Crepsley's body. "Uh, Darren?" I heard Evra call from behind me. "Darren, bro, what's wrong, I've been calling your name for the past five minutes." **FIVE MINUTES?! **I looked up to see that Mr. Crepsley had a worried look on his face. I hadn't said anything since being snapped back to reality. I didn't know what to say so I turned around and ran, I ran straight to my tent as fast as I could. I sat in my hammock, 'What's wrong with me?' I asked myself as tears filled my eyes.  
A few hours passed and I finished packing, I loaded all my bags into the truck and waited. "Hey, there you are!" I heard Evra speak. "Hey." I said as he walked up to me. "Dude, what happened earlier?" Evra asked, I laughed uneasily. "Not too sure." I smiled. "Where is everyone?" I questioned him. "Headed here, I just got here, everyone's done packing." Evra said brushing a strand of his blonde hair out of his face. "What about Crepsley?" I said rubbing the back of my neck looking at the ground. "There." He said I looked up to see a group of people; one stood out among the rest, a tall, hooded man. Mr. Crepsley. I panicked and threw myself into the passenger car and pretended to sleep "Darren?" Evra asked. "Shh." I shushed him. "Whatever, bro." Evra shrugged and left to help carry bags.  
More hours passed, it was probably around eleven o'clock at night. I sat in the very back passenger car. –The trucks were connected like a train. - The back was open, exposed to the outside. I sat there, staring at the passing ground. Thinking, wondering. I didn't want to sleep, after what had happened earlier today, I knew I was going to have nightmares. Evra was asleep; I was alone in the car. I liked it that way, if I was alone, I couldn't hurt anyone, or myself at that. I heard the car door slide. 'Crap, who could it be?' I mumbled under my breath. Expecting Evra to plop down at my side and start chatting away about how Debbie was in his dreams again, a slim pair a legs stepped up beside me. "Darren..." Mr. Crepsley spoke firmly, 'Crap.' I sighed.  
He sat down next to me. "It is a beautiful night." He said as he looked up at the dark sky splattered with sparkly stars. Something you could never get to see if you lived in a city. "Yep." I agreed. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach, like I was going to throw up or something. "So Darren, We need to speak." He said. My heart dropped, so did my head. "Okay." I couldn't say anything else. "Go for it." I told him. "Well, I have understood, from whispers and little birds, that you have had some… How you say, emotional problems lately," He paused. "And I would like to discuss any issues you may want to talk about." I couldn't help by smile at that. "So you saying that you want to hear about my whiney problems?" I asked looking at him. He smiled one of those rare beautiful smiles again. "Yes." He said simply with a nod.  
I began telling him how I felt. "Like, in certain situations, my chest will get tight. My hands with ball up and I'll just want to scream! My brain will scramble, my heart will race. My body will just shut down, and well, that's pretty much it." I finished. We both sat there in silence for a few minutes. I glanced over at Mr. Crepsley; He had a face on that told me he was deep in thought. He finally broke the silence. "You know Darren. I too was like this when I was your age." "Really," I was surprised. "How did you deal with it?" I asked excitedly. He smiled, "I talked to my mentor." "That's it?!" I flailed. "Yes." He smirked. "That's not just it!" I protested it. "Shush boy." He said pulling a black bag out from the shadows. "Here, I've been saving these." He said pulling out two large dark bottles out of the bag, handing one to me he placed the bag back into the shadows.  
"What's this?" I asked him as I watched him open the bottle. "Liquor." His smile wasn't just a smile. It was something more. "Okay, cheers." I opened mine and we clanked bottles. "Cheers." He said as he put the rim of the bottle to his lips and drank, as did I. It tasted amazing, "wow, what is this?" I asked. "You like it? It is called; Pure." He nodded as he took another sip. My bottle was half way gone. "Can you buy it at any old liquor store?" I questioned as I swayed slightly "Yes." He answered. "Cool" I smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

We ended up finishing the two other bottles he had in his bag. So all together, we had four bottles of the magic, Orgasmic drink. I was lying down in the passenger car with my legs still outside. "Mr. Crepsley?" I asked him. I sat up half way, I was afraid to fully sit up, I was drunk to the point I might have fallen out of the back. "Yes, Darren?" He said swaying. "What. How do you feel about…? Other guys?"  
"Darren, I would rather not discuss this." My. Crepsley groaned. "But Mr. Crepsley," I argued "Please?" I dragged it out. "No." He said simply. "No, Dar-Darren, especially not if we are under the intoxication of Pure, I have tried discussing these things before while I have been intoxicated." "Mr. Crepsley!" I sung –Remember: I am pretty much shit-faced. – "Be quiet, boy." He hissed. "No, either you tell me or I'll keep talking." "God, Fine. I was once attracted to a male, but quickly realized it was wrong and brushed it off." He said as he blushed slightly. "I don't like talking about it because it was a hard time for me..."  
I sat in silence, I was biting my lip like crazy, and I wanted to tell him so badly. No, I don't I don't want to rush this. "I'm confused about myself." I shrugged. "You will get over it." Mr. Crepsley said as he pulled his legs in and sat with them crossed facing me. I had my knees to my chest with my head resting on them. "I feel like I'm a nuisance." I sighed. "Do not say that." Mr. Crepsley told me. "You are not, a bother. I actually like being around you, but it seems like every time you are around me, I make you go haywire, I do not mean to sound like I want to draw sympathy from you. It is just that I like your presence." Hearing him say that make my heart skip a beat. "You really mean that?" I questioned him. "Indeed, I would never lie to you." He looked at me and smile. "I mean it." "Thank you sir." I smiled back.  
I woke up alone, I had a massive headache, I rolled off the back of the passenger car with a thud. I landed on my back. I had no idea where we were, but we were at are destination. Tents were already set up. I looked up at the sky; the sun wasn't bright like I expected it to be. I stood up; a horrible feeling came over me. I looked around quickly to find a bush. There was one that I ran up to. I doubled over and threw up. After all the contents of my stomach were out, last night rolled back into memory. "Hey there he is!" I heard, it was a girl, the only I girl I really knew was Madame Truska, and she couldn't speak English. The voice sounded slightly familiar. I threw my head back to get the hair out of my eyes, I looked in the direction, "Oh my God," I gasped.  
Debbie Hemlock and Evra Von, walking towards me, Hands linked. I walked over, my head still throbbing. "Hey, either of you have the time?" I said as I stretched. "Six thirty, we were coming to find you for dinner." 'Dinner?' I thought to myself, the thought made my stomach turn I couldn't eat if I wanted to…"It's six thirty?" I said bluntly, completely dumbfounded. "Yeah, let's go." Debbie said, creepily cheery. "Lead the way," I nodded.  
A few minutes passed and I was sitting at a long table covered with all sorts of food. I had my head down. I was sitting next to Evra, my stomach still didn't settle. I looked up I glanced at where Mr. Crepsley was sitting, He wasn't eating either. Laid my head back down, drifted into thought about last night. Me and Mr. Crepsley, alone, having a few drinks, talking, laughing, I looked up and people were clearing the table. Mr. Crepsley was gone, I got up to go find to go find him, but as soon as I turned around, there he was.  
"Well hello," I winked. "I need to speak to you." Mr. Crepsley. "Okay." I shrugged, he walked off and I followed him. He led me into his tent. "What do we need to talk about?" "Last night." He said pulling out his wallet. "I need you to run into town, and grab me more bottles of Pure…" He said handing me a fifty dollar bill, and my ID I got right after I got in the Cirque. "Could I buy a bottle for myself?" I asked with a smirk. He rolled his eyes and handed me a twenty. "Thank you, Oh, and I have a question." I looked up at him. "What." He said. "Did last night count as our first date?" I winked at him jokingly "Get out." He said pushing me towards the door. "I'll be back!" I said and began in the direction of town.  
About an hour passed and I was in the Liquor store going down the aisles I found the Pure section. They had all different flavors, Mint, Chocolate, Cake, Lemon, a whole slew of flavors. One caught my eye, Cherry, Oh how I love cherries. I looked at the price. "Holy crap that's cheap!" I said out loud. I picked up four bottles for Mr. Crepsley; I got about nine for me. I strolled up to the counter trying to hold thirteen bottles. I sat them all on counter, receiving a horrid look from the cashier. "ID please, you can't be a day over fourteen." She said smacking her gum way to loudly. I handed her my ID card, she looked at me, and then looked at it. "You must got some growth problem or some shit." I was completely offended. She said as she rung me up. I looked at her name tag. 'Tiffany.' It rang up to thirty dollars; I just gave her the fifty. She –still loudly smacking the gum- Handed me my change. I opened the door, "Next time Tiffany, keep your thoughts to yourself." I said and left.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days passed, I had been so happy, no attacks, no nightmares, and no overpowering emotions. I loved it. Evra was still stuck on Debbie; she had been staying with him, Evra talked to Mr. Tall about her spending the night a few nights. He said he was fine with it. –I was pissed…- I started hanging out with Mr. Crepsley I could see the mood change in both of us. If he was happy, I was happy.  
One night, Thursday to be exact, we were having a show; me and Mr. Crepsley were up next with Madam Octa. Mr. Tall announced to the audience that the next performance was coming, a man, with his assistant with an amazing spider. We walked out, faced the audience 'Ewe, there's Debbie.' Was the first thing that came to mind when I gazed over the crowd. Mr. Crepsley nodded at me to begin playing my flute. –You see, Madam Octa was a special spider; I grew up having an obsession with spiders, me and Mr. Crepsley could control Madam Octa with intense thought. -  
Anyhow, I started playing; Madam Octa started doing her thing with Mr. Crepsley, Spinning webs, crawling around etc... That strange sickly feeling came over me, but I ignored it for the sake of Mr. Crepsley. I glanced over; she was doing her mouth trick. Oh what I would do to be her right now. 'Stop!' I yelled at myself. I froze, still playing –Because it was such a habit for me- She had stopped, looking at me like I was crazy, I started talking to her through my thoughts. "Continue." I thought, and she did.  
After the show, me and Mr. Crepsley went back to his tent. He was twirling a shot glass of blood. "I know what happened tonight, Darren." Mr. Crepsley spoke as he downed the small glass of blood. "Oh yeah," I acted tough, "What happened then, Mr. Crepsley." I mocked. "You felt something." He said, as he turned to face me. "You felt sick, like a ball was in your stomach." He smirked. "Thank you for not freezing and killing me." He laughed dryly as he patted me on the head. "Go, bed, now." He commanded. "Yes, father." I rolled my eyes.  
I was awoken in the middle of the night; there was a tapping, like someone was trying to get my attention. "Hello?" I got up and went outside. It was dark; I looked around to see where the tapping was coming from. "Hello?" I said again, I heard a rustling. "Evra?" I asked the shadows. Suddenly, a black, red, and orange blur swept me off my feet. "What the…" I tired yelling, but a broad pale hand clamped over my mouth, Mr. Crepsley? The hand was taken away from my mouth and was replaced with lips. I lost myself. Mr. Crepsley, KISSING ME?! I wanted to scream out, but I didn't want to at the same time, I wanted to kiss him back, which I did. I moaned, this felt so… Right! He pulled himself away from me, I wanted to throw myself at him, but I was stuck.  
Next thing you know, I was up against a tree, I don't know how I got there, but I got there. He took a hand full of my hair, pulled my head back and started sucking on my neck, it felt so good. I moaned out loud, but Mr. Crepsley didn't quiet me. The only thing that was making this moment awkward was my pants… They were getting tighter. "Mr.…Mr. Crepsley... S-stop." I moaned at I tried pushing him away. He just knocked my hands out of the way and sucked harder. I was in complete ecstasy, "Stop!" I giggled as I pushed harder. He grinned. "Make me." He said as he shoved me to the ground and threw himself on top of me. "Mr. Crepsley! I thought you didn't like other guys!" I said as I caught my breath. "Be quiet boy." He winked as he kissed my neck again, I couldn't see them, but I could guess, I had a lot of hickys.  
Even without touching any extreme sensitive parts, I was almost at the peak of excitement. It was growing, and growing, I wanted to get it over with and feel it. Take in the first orgasm I ever had. –Shut up, don't judge me. - "Mr. Crepsley!" I almost screamed. His hands were under my shirt now, exploring my unexplored body. So close… His hands were headed lower; I was scared but ready to embrace it. "Ahh, Yes..." I whispered as his fingertips traced my abdomen. Lower, Lower! Ahh!  
I woke up, scared out of my mind. I pulled my knees up to my chest. I wanted to hide, but from what, a dream? I felt awful, I felt sick and tired. I rested my head on my knees. 'It was so real..' I thought to myself. I wanted to cry, I felt dirty, but relieved that it wasn't a full on wet dream. –Try explaining that one.- I ended up getting out of my hammock and rushing to a broken piece of mirror I had, I was looking at my neck, Nothing. I went over to a chair in the corner and sat down. I tried to think of other things, I couldn't though, the only thing I could think about was that damned dream.  
I think I'm starting to figure out what that feeling is, I get when I'm around Mr. Crepsley. I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't admit that. I wanted to push it out of my mind. An idea sparked in side of my head. I didn't know how to push the memory away for right now. But I knew how to erase the memory for good. I dropped to the floor and searched under my bed for a cloth bag. I grabbed hold of it and gently pulled it out. 'Hello friend.' I whispered to myself as I pulled out a bottle of Pure. 'Welcome back.' I said as I unscrewed the cap and tossed it. –It's not like I was going to need it.- I practically chugged the bottle. I felt extremely sick after words, because well, I just chugged a bottle of Liquor. I felt good though, I felt my memory shutting down, my vision getting blurry. Before I could get into trouble, I laid in my hammock, smiling stupidly up at the ceiling. "Good night, moon." I said and feel asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up that morning with a horrible headache; I just wanted to crawl into a dark hole or something. Sounds were too loud; lights were too bright, everything. I pulled on some jeans; I didn't even care to put a shirt on. I walked outside to see the sun was low again. "I really need a watch." I muttered to myself as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I heard muffled voices coming from Evra's tent; I knocked on one of the frames -from experience- "Just be quiet!" I heard Evra growl angrily. He popped out of his tent. "You okay, bro?" I asked him. "Yeah, let's go for a walk, I really need to talk to someone." "Okay..." I shrugged.  
We got out into the woods before Evra started talking. "Me and Debbie have been arguing lately." He sighed. "She wants me to quit the Cirque so I can go live with her." He said as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. "Whoa, wait. When did you start smoking?! That craps bad for you!" I exclaimed. "Ever since me and Debbie have been fighting. I need a way to get all of this stress to go away…" He said, when he said that I thought about my own stress, my own problems. I felt really bad, "Give me one..." I said. He hesitated but gave it to me. "I don't need this, but to hell with it." I said as I took the lighter from him and lit mine. I took a drag of it, I didn't cough like I expected. It didn't taste as bad as I thought either.  
We got to a grassy patch and Evra sat. "I don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart, but the Cirque is my family. There is you, Mr. Crepsley, Mr. Tall, Madame Truska." He sighed. "I'm lost, should I talk to Mr. Tall? Maybe he would let her join or something. She could be an extra helping hand." He said looking up at me. I took the last puff of the cigarette Evra gave me and I flicked it. "I don't know, I'd talk to her first." I shrugged. "Thanks bro." Evra smiled. We got back to camp, Evra was much happier. I'm glad for him; he looked at me before going back into his tent, nodded his head and winked. I smiled and nodded. "You've got it." I mouthed and he vanished.  
I went back into my tent there was a fresh basket of clothes on my hammock. "Yes! Thank you Madam Truska!" I said as I rummaged through the clothes. I found a pair of black jeans and a slightly too big red shirt. I got dressed, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO START A FAMILY DEBBIE, I'M ONLY SEVENTEEN." I heard erupt from the tent next to me. I sat in my chair and waited for Evra to bound into my tent and start raging quietly about how he can't take it anymore.  
I waited a few minutes, getting slightly worried; suddenly Debbie appeared inside my tent. "Darren..." She spoke softly; tears were running down her cheeks. "Yeah?" I said sitting forward. She walked over me, looked over her shoulder, and pushed me back, and sat in my lap. "Um, Debbie please get off." I said but she ignored me. She kept looking at the door. "Debbie?" She smiled at me. "We should have never broken up. I love you, Darren!" I didn't want this. I wanted this to end NOW. I put my hands on her hips and tried pushing her off of me, "Debbie Get off!" I tried pushing her off me again. She tried kissing me, I tried stopping her some more, She figured she couldn't get me to open up to her so she tried kissing my neck. "Damn Debbie! Get the hell off!" I said as I pushed one last time, letting the half vampire inside me out. She feel back and she pulled me with her, she landed on her back with me on top of her.  
Perfect timing. There stood Evra, "Darren! What the hell!" He said as he marched over to us and pulled me up by my hair. "After we talked, you're gonna go and do this shit!?" "Evra! You don't understand!" I said as I tried to follow his tugging hand so he couldn't pull my hair. "No! I clearly understand!" He said as he pulled me outside. "Evra! Please! Let's talk about this!" He ignored me, we got outside and he threw me on the ground. "We might have been arguing but she was still my girlfriend!" He yelled at me. "I knew you wanted her all along! You just couldn't take seeing me happy could you?" He yelled again as he kicked me in the side. I cried out in pain, "Evra please!" "No! Kill you self!" He screamed at me. He continued kicking me; he threw a few punches along with it, I was crying now. "E-Evra Stop!" I couldn't yell anymore, only whisper loudly. I didn't hear Debbie's voice, so I was taking she wasn't trying to help. "You wanted to ruin my relationship because you can maintain one!" Evra screamed kicking me even harder in the stomach, I put my hands over my stomach and pulled my knees up, and I coughed from the blow. I coughed out blood, and then I blacked out.  
I woke up in a room, not very sure where I was, until my vision cleared and I realized where I was. I was in Mr. Crepsley's tent! Relived I just relaxed I heard a brush so someone was in the room with me. I sat up, and pain rushed through my body. "Owe." I groaned out loud catching the attention of Mr. Crepsley "You are awake! Fabulous, how do you feel?" He said as cheery like. "Awful." I replied bluntly. "What happened?" I said looking up at him. "I want to ask you the same thing, Darren. If you need a memory refresher, Evra, Oh how do you kids put it… Evra beat the shit out of you." He shrugged. I rolled my eyes.  
"He and Debbie have been fighting lately," I began. "Earlier today, wait… What time is it?" I asked him. "Three in the morning." He spoke softly moving closer to me. "Great, anyway, Debbie and Evra had been fighting and Debbie came into my tent crying and threw herself at me! I tried telling her no and pushing her away but she pulled me to the ground with her! Evra walked in at the wrong time. Evra took it wrong, and proceeded to beat me." I said. "That's what happened, I promise, Evra wouldn't even hear me out." I said. "Am I okay? Did he beat me anymore after I blacked out?" I asked as I wiped a tear away from my eye. "Well, See for yourself..." He nodded to my stomach.  
I bit my lip and pulled my shirt up. "Oh my God." I was black and blue; some were even bleeding, or have been bleeding. Even more tears gathered in my eyes. "Where is he now?" I asked trying to seem like I wasn't about to cry, I mean, wouldn't you cry if your best friend beat the hell out of you? "He is with Mr. Tall.." He said in a low tone. "Good." I sighed.


	6. Chapter 6

The following afternoon I awoke to Mr. Crepsley's dragging me out of bed. "Get up. Evra wishes to speak with you." "W-what? No! I don't wanna talk to him. Are you going to be in there? What if I get beaten again?" I whined, dragging my feet. He twisted his body and looked at me. "Shut up. I do not even understand how you lost in a fight with a bloody snake boy. I should call you a disappointment." He growled and shot me a very upset face. My heart sank, was I really a disappointment to Mr. Crepsley? Ouch, this hurts.  
We ended up in Mr. Tall's van, He was on my right said, Mr. Crepsley on the left. Evra, sat in front of me. I didn't like the tension, Anxiety burned inside me. I wanted to just leave and sit in a dark hole somewhere. I was shaking. "Darren." My ears perked at the voice of Evra. "I want to apologize for my actions." He swallowed, I heard him. He was nervous, "I did not mean to violently attack you like that. I was out of my mind," He sighed. "Out of my heart." "You're my bro, and no matter what... I'll never let a girl come between us. I should have heard you out before I lost it. I hope you accept my apology. Thank you." And Evra fell quiet.  
Mr. Tall shifted, "You are dismissed, Evra." He spoke softly. With that, Evra left. I sat there, emotionless. "Darren… World you like to move? Or, would you like him banned from the Cirque?" I gasped. "No! He doesn't deserve to be banished. I think I'm fine thank you, I do not wish to move." I smiled at the two men. "It was my own fault. I think I'm fine." I smiled and raised out of my seat, "Thank you for caring." I smiled at them. "We want what's best for you Darren." Mr. Tall smiled. I bowed my head and left, Mr. Crepsley following me. The door shut behind us, I looked up at him. "Want to get drunk?" I grinned, "I never thought you would ask." He replied with a smirk.  
We got my tent, He said in the chair, I sat in my hammock, "The downside is, I got mine flavored.." I muttered pulling out a bottle for him. "Cherry." He said simply. "Nice, I used to be able to tie cherry stems in my mouth." He chuckled opening the bottle. "Well, that's an interesting fact." I smiled, looking at him drink. I pulled out a bottle for me and collected my bag. "Let's go somewhere else, my tent is too small." I huffed. "Carry on." He said as he stood leaving be behind in the tent.  
A few minutes passed and we got to a burning sight, a ring of rocks with ashes in the middle, nothing much. He started a fire, I don't know how he did it, but I won't question it. I sat down on a large log, He sat next to me. We clanked bottles and did our drinking in silence, until of course, I broke it. "Mr. Crepsley." I said boldly. "What, boy." He sighed placing his hand up to his face. "I was just thinking, you know, deep down inside, I never loved, Debbie." I thought for a second. "I think I know why.." I said as I took a deep breath and looked Mr. Crepsley in the eye. "I think I'm gay."  
A breeze flickered the fire, my bottle of Pure sparkling in the light. It was a beautifully painful moment, Mr. Crepsley's soft, worried face. He looked down, "Darren.." He began "How sure of this are you?" He asked me. I looked away from him. "I don't know. I just wanted to tell you first to see how badly you'd react." I said as I took another drink from my bottle. "Would you still accept me as your assistant?" I looked up at him, he looked down at me. He smiled softly. "Yes."  
"Mr. Crepsley, have you ever kissed... a boy?" I asked, fingers drumming my thighs. "No." He replied. "Have you ever kissed a girl?" I asked, feeling the anxiety and excitement climb inside me. "Yes." He spoke softly. "D-did you like it?" "It was okay, I guess." I scooted away a bit, threw my left leg over the log so that I was facing him. He looked at me. "Darren?" He said as he shifted his body. "Are you okay?" He must have asked that because I had a wicked grin on my face. "Mr. Crepsley." I said as I moved closer to him. "I want to thank you for always being there." I smiled. "It is okay." He nodded.  
"I-is it time to back to camp?" "We should be heading there soon." He stood, as did I. I picked up the bottles, he took his with him. We got to the edge of the woods. "And Darren," Mr. Crepsley said as he looked at me before we stepped out into camp after I put the fire out. "I just want you to be happy, not matter what." He smiled an amazing smile. "Thank you sir," I nodded as I walked up to him. "You're a good assistant, I'm glad to have you." He sighed turning towards camp, "Let us go." He said and took the first steps.  
We got back into camp. My tent was closest so he'd just walk me to it. We got to my tent and said our goodbyes. "Thanks again Mr. Crepsley." "You are welcome, Darren." And he vanished.


	7. Chapter 7

I slipped into my tent, not satisfied on how intoxicated I was, so I decided to drink more. Right now I was happy, why not get happier? I sat in my chair, taking the occasional drink. Thinking about the events of the last few days, I began to think about that Evra had said to me. Some of the things, I never thought he'd say to me. 'You just couldn't take seeing me happy could you?' His words screamed in my head. 'You wanted to ruin my relationship because you can maintain one!' 'Kill yourself!'  
My body froze, I began to think about what Mr. Crepsley said, he never did apologize for calling me a disappointment. I had mixed feelings, and they were getting the best of me. I felt awful, full of guilt and shame, was I a bother to my friends? The people I'm supposed to look up to. Do they wish me gone? Why am I even here if they don't even want me. I was crushed but my thoughts drove me forward. 'Shame!' 'Gay!' 'Disappointment!'  
Did I have the right to cry at this point? Because I was, I was crying hard, if Evra didn't hear me, that was a surprise. I finished the bottle I had plus one, so I was pretty out of it. I drifted through thoughts, Mom, Dad, Annie. Oh how I missed them, I wonder what they're doing now. Steve, my ex-best friend. My memories quickly became dark again, this morning, Mr. Tall had said 'We just want what's best for you, Darren.' and before, me and Mr. Crepsley left the woods 'I just want you to be happy.'  
"H-happy." I was in a daze, I was numb all over. I felt good, but my head didn't, I felt pressure build inside me. I wanted to release it, dropping to the floor and grabbing the dagger that was under bed. It was shiny, beautiful, The blade shined in the candle light of my tent. The gold handle glistened in the light as well. I felt the blade, nice and sharp. The was I liked it.  
I felt useless, so I crawled into my hammock and laid there looking at my dagger, "Your beautiful tonight." I smiled, "I'm gonna miss you." I looked up at the ceiling, "A-and I'm gonna miss Mr. Crepsley, A-and Evra, Mr. Tall, Truska.." I sat up a bit and looked at my arm, pale, smooth flesh, "Happiness, isn't across the street, It's down the road." And with that, I took the blade of my dagger, and dragged it up my wrist. There was pain, I didn't like it, but it felt good. With trembling fingers I did the same to my other arm. There was blood, and it was good.  
My dagger fell to the side of me, then onto the floor. I didn't care anymore, I was free. Warmth and fuzziness surrounded me, I looked down at my arms, they were no longer pale, and smooth, they were maroon, and cut. I laid back, my arms kinda just there, I didn't know where to move them, I want them to find me in a natural position. I started giggling, then blackness started taking me over. Everything began to blur, my vision, my hearing, my memories and thoughts. It was good.  
Seconds passed, everything was black. I couldn't see, I couldn't even tell if my eyes were open or not. I felt my hearing slipping, but it seemed like I was hearing noises, voices, something out of the ordinary. I didn't care, I was dead. Happy. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. I felt something like a rush of cold air hit me, I smiled. What seemed like minutes passed I thought I heard yelling, screaming, something. It must have been my imagination. I was dead, I couldn't hear anything. I suddenly felt light, like I was floating. It felt nice, a cool breeze, darkness, light as a feather, I must had been in paradise, -What Vampires call Heaven.-.  
I felt another strong cold breeze, and then I was heavy again. This is what Paradise must be. I felt pressure on my arms. Then I heard mumbles again. Was that the Vampire Gods talking about me? Were they discussing about how I must have failed my life as a vampire? Maybe Vampire Gods we're like the Christian God. Maybe gay Vampires were to be shunned. My arms stung now, it was like someone poured rubbing alcohol on them. Wait.. What's that?  
It seemed like there was some sort of light. I guess I was truly dead now. I began walking towards it, brighter... Brighter...


	8. Chapter 8

I stepped into the light. When I did, I was awestruck. Was I dead? I really couldn't tell, I was numb, but I could see. I was staring blankly ahead at a white ceiling. The air around me was cold, I tried moving my fingers, they twitched a bit, but nothing much. My head was throbbing, tried sitting a bit, I managed to push myself up, but my arms gave out on me. I whimpered from the intense pain coming from them. "Darren! You're alive!" I heard a woman screech in happiness. I couldn't see her though. "Larten! Larten, quick! He's awake!" I heard her call out. About thirty minutes later, I was sitting up. Dumbfounded, I had no idea where I was, all I remember is that, I was crying, and I had been drinking the night before. Mr. Crepsley was sitting by my bedside. He wouldn't leave me. I asked him what happened. "You do not remember? I came into your tent last night." He paused, "I found you with your wrist slashed. I had no idea what to do or say. I got Mr. Tall and he did everything for me. I was so lost and confused. I felt like it was my fault." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Was he crying? I don't believe it. "But, Darren. If I may ask. W-what made you try and kill yourself?" I thought for a moment before uttering the sentence. "Because you told me to be happy." I later found out who the woman was I heard when I first awoke. She was a closet nurse. She was a nurse, but a special one. She knew about Vampires and other forms of life that most humans know about. -like, if I went to a actual hospital, they'd pull up that I'm dead and stuff and whatnot- Her name was Nurse Rajah. She was a cute, small girl. With shortish brown/black hair and a pail face. She smiled a lot, it was a good thing despite how down I was. I looked at my arms, they were wrapped in bandages. "What did I do?" I asked, I finally got Mr. Crepsley to leave. "You cut yourself, tried killing yourself, I'm surprised you didn't die due to your blood alcohol level." She sat down next to me. "How do you feel?" She asked me, taking my pulse, "Horrible. Like, I woke up for a coma or something." I groaned. She chuckled "Baby, you've been asleep for about two days now." "What!" I gasped. "You lost so much blood to the point your body shut it's self down into a coma, we thought you weren't going to make it. It seems like the odds are in your favor." She smiled at me before walking to the other side of the room. "Will I be okay?" I asked sitting up more. "You should be.." She was interrupted by a knock at the door. A few words were exchanged with someone at the door until she looked at me. "Someone would like to talk to you, is that okay?" She asked me. "Sure I don't care." I replied. In walked Evra. He looked dark, worried. Wordlessly he walked up to my bedside. He looked me in the eyes and threw his arms around me. He sobbed like I had died or something. I wrapped my sore arms around him tightly. Sobbing into my chest he breathed the words. "I am so sorry. I don't ever want to lose you, Darren." The words were soft, but strong. "Evra, it's okay." I whispered. He pulled himself away from me with watery eyes. "Darren, bro. I thought you weren't gonna make it." "Well, I'm here aren't I?" I smiled weakly at him. A few hours passed, Mr. Crepsley had came back and left again. He had to do the show tonight, I wanted to do it with him, but he wouldn't let me. Nurse Rajah came and went, she went out to watch the act. What touched my heart the most, Evra refused to participate in tonight's act, he wanted to be there with me. Sitting in silence for about ten minutes, Evra looked up at me. "What's it feel like to be depressed?" He whispered to me. I bowed my head and thought for a moment. He must have thought I wasn't going to answer, because started to say. "I-It's okay if you don't want to ans-" I cut him off with my reply. "It's like drowning. Except you can see everyone around you breathing." He took a deep breath. "Oh.." Is all he could say. "I'm sorry." He room drifted back into silence until laughter came from outside. I huffed. "Let's take a walk." I said pulling myself on my feet and almost falling. Evra caught me. "Darren! Be careful." I smiled at him. "I've got it." I had on pants, so I was good to go. Evra opened the door for me and we both stepped outside of the Clinic van. -It was pretty big, trust me.- When we walked out, our heads turned towards where the laugher was coming from, There was Nurse Rajah and Mr. Crepsley… Kissing. They didn't notice us. I was confused, but yet, sadness did not fill my heart. Rage did. Pure utter rage. My insides turned to dust. I turned to Evra with a small smile. "Let's go, buddy." I said putting an arm around his shoulder. "Okay." He smiled back at me taking me around the waist, and we walked away.

We got to a area were some chairs were sat up, he pulled out the same pack of cigarettes and offered me one. Stupidly, I took one and lit it. We sat in silence as I thought of a plan to get back at Mr. Crepsley. Then I got it. I smiled and flicked the ashes of the end of my cigarette. A few minutes passed. "Welp, are you ready for bed?" he asked me, I looked at him with a smirk. "Yes." He got up, so did I. We walked back to the Clinic van, Nurse Rajah was no where to be seen, neither was Mr. Crepsley. Evra had walked me to the door. "Night, Darren." Evra smiled pushing blonde hair out of his eyes. "Night, Bro." I smiled. I opened the door a bit and he began to walk away. I hoped down from the steps, "Wait! Evra!" I said running up to him, before he could ask me what. I locked lips with him.


	9. Chapter 9

I didn't expect my life to turn out this way. I was a vampire's assistant, a suicide attempt survivor, madly in love with my teacher, now my first kiss was a boy. What on earth was I doing?  
Our lips parted, tongues twisting with each other. I didn't know if I was dreaming or I was actually was doing this. It felt so good, like it was some type of slow motion. Our tongues fought a raging war. He tasted sweeter than I expected, a hint mint maybe? Maybe. He wrapped his arms around my neck. What was I supposed to do! Then, instinct kicked in. I gently wrapped my arms around his hips and pulled him closer. It was getting good; I pulled away from his lips and whispered. "Don't be afraid to be rough; just don't beat the shit out of me again." And kissed him again our tongues connecting once more. I felt Evra grin into the kiss and his grip tightened. Pushing me back with a clank against the Health Van, it was getting hotter. I felt him run his hands up my chest and back down, letting himself inside of my shirt. He pulled back and let me quivering for more.  
He went for my neck, "Rawr, I'm a vampire." I heard him whisper warmly in my ear. Hot shivers crawled down my spine but it wasn't from him. He was freezing cold, -Of course, he's cold-blooded.- He sucked hard and long. Running his snake-like tongue over my soft flesh. I wanted to scream, it was nothing like I ever imagined. He was getting a little fiercer now. Biting harder, his hands still under my shirt. Until he tried to get in my pants. I pushed him back gently, so I won't scare him off. "No, Evra.. I'm not ready for that.." I whispered and hung my head. I heard something like a twig snap to my left, and then I felt like something was watching me. We were both panting; it was pretty clear what we were both just doing. "Good night, Evra.." I smiled, my dark bangs falling into my eyes. "W-what does this mean?" He asked me as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "We'll discuss it more." I said and hugged him tight.  
I was back in the Health Van when I heard the door open. In walked Mr. Crepsley and Nurse Rajah, my insides tightened as I glared at the both of them. Nurse Rajah hung her head and Mr. Crepsley gave me a face. "Darren, about earlier, I know you saw.." I interrupted him "We will discuss it when Nurse Rajah wraps my arms." -I had to have my bandages redone over and over again so infection wouldn't set in.- "I understand." He sighed and sat down next to me. Nurse Rajah came over with the bandages and didn't say a word to me. She usually was all jumpy and happy to see me so alert. She took off the bandages, for the first time I got to see what my arms looked like. It was a scary sight; long deep gashes trailed both my inner arms. I didn't feel regret for doing it. Should have I?  
Nurse Rajah finished. She looked at me with beautiful sad-looking brown eyes. I simply rolled mine. "Darren…" Mr. Crepsley stood. "What." I snapped. I should have stopped there if I knew what was best for me. "Out now!" Mr. Crepsley yelled at me, Causing Nurse Rajah to jump. "Sir?" I said sitting up, "Out." He said grabbing me by my hair and pulling me out of bed. "S-sir! I'm sorry! Please let go of my hair!" I pleaded. Ignoring my apologetic cries he opened the door and pushed me outside. I landed on my back and groaned when pain shot through my arms, when I opened my eyes he was standing over me. "If you dare disrespect me again, Darren, so help me God I will destroy you. I knew what you saw; you think I would kiss a human out of the blue like that, Darren!? Are you mad!?" he went quiet, I heard him breathing heavily, I collected my words to argue back. I stood up and inhaled deeply. "You kissed her anyway!" I yelled "I kissed Evra because you kissed /Her/."  
"You kissed, Evra?" Mr. Crepsley's tone with shockingly light. "Yeah, I did. I didn't want to. It was out of anger and jealously." I looked up at him; he had a disappointed look on his face. It make my insides melt, I have never seem him so disappointed in all the years of me being his assistant. "Mr. Crepsley, it's just be being jealous and such, my emotions y'know?" I said standing up, "You can stop blaming everything you do on your emotion." He spat at me, "Just because you are an emotional teenager does not mean that you can run around here and stress everyone on out with you."  
Those words make the air around me cold, it was really hurtful, like I wanted to cry…  
I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I kissed Evra, and I liked it. And if you don't like it, it makes it much sweeter." I mused. "You don't understand how I feel, things, I haven't told you. Things that you /don't/ need to know. He turned away from me, "Darren, so be it, but I must warn you, there's a little saying out there. I believe it goes. 'Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.'" He looked over his shoulder and smiled wickedly. "W-what are you trying to say…" I croaked.  
"He has hit you once, He is going to hit you again." And with that, we parted for the night.


	10. Chapter 10

About four weeks passed so let me catch you up.  
I'm Darren Shan, half Vampire. I work for a Vampire named Larten Crepsley, me and him work at a circus called the Cirque Du Freak. There I met my current -I guess you can call him- Boyfriend. Evra Von, he's a snake boy. Me and him got into a fight over the misunderstanding of his ex-girlfriend. Mr. Crepsley hates the fact that me and Evra are going out. I'm pretty much doing it in spite of Mr. Crepsley. I found him kissing the Nurse that worked on me when I tried killing myself by slitting my wrists, Nurse Rajah, but was saved by Mr. Crepsley.

Me and Mr. Crepsley have been getting along better than I thought. We didn't talk about my relationship though. I didn't want to. I was still.. Never mind. It was the average Saturday night and the Cirque was stationed in an abandoned theater. The town in which we were camping outside of was a town that was slow, but had a lot of interesting places. It had a few shopping malls and a cluster of nice restaurants. Me and Evra have been out a few times. -Evra wraps his skin up in public so he doesn't get questioned about it every five seconds.-  
So that Saturday night we had a show. Me and Mr. Crepsley went on stage with Madam Octa and did our wonderful thing. Evra was the final act, he has been for a while. His snakes would slide down form the balcony and scare everyone as they were leaving. Oh happy days.. except the following Sunday. Me and Evra were laying in a hammock together in my tent. He was curled up by my side, listening to his CD player I had bought him when we were out of town those couple of years back. We were listening to: Fall out boy; Thanks for the memories. It was a good song, I always liked them. We were holding hands, and I think he was drifting off to sleep. He was so cute, his pale white hair cast shadows over his eyes. He was cute. But Mr. Crepsley was cuter.  
I was going over my thoughts and the events of this last month. I was shocked to think about what all had happened in such a short time. A couple of days ago me and Mr. Crepsley made a deal. He was getting -He wouldn't admit it.- Jealous. So he made me promise that we'd spend every Sunday night and all day Monday together. It was nice, we'd go out on the town Sunday night, get dinner, come back to camp and rehearse our upcoming performances. It was six thirty. Mr. Crepsley would be getting up in about thirty minutes, so I decided to get ready for tonight's festivities. I wiggled myself out of the hammock, Evra stirred but didn't wake. I kissed his forehead and whispered softly. "I'm sorry."  
It was now seven thirty, and I was waiting on the edge of the city limits we meet there every time we go out. I was sitting on a crumbling brick wall as I waited for him. The bricks were either part of a old building or some fort. The sun was gone and half of the city just began to stir. I was picking my nails as I waited for my master. A whispered brush came from my left, I raised my head to focus some more, a snap of a twig, a crush of a fall leaf. "Hello, sir." I bowed my head, he stepped up next to me. "Darren." He spoke clearly, leaving chills dancing down my back. The corners of my mouth twitched into a smile. I hopped from the wall and looked up at him. "Shall we be going?" I smirked.  
We were both dressed nicely. He was in a dark red casual suit. I was in a a suit jacket and dark purple button up with black pants. We swaggered through the streets, we looked /good/. Women of all ages stopped and stared at us. Some tired talking to us. One night we had a competition of how many women's numbers we could get, he won. He said women were attacked to his scar, I didn't doubt it. We had dinner, that's mostly what we do. Walk and eat. Tonight was different. Mr. Crepsley seemed happier. I liked it when he was in a good mood. He seemed like he was excited for something, so curiosity killed the cat and I asked him. "What's up with you? You seem overly excited. What are you hiding?" I asked after dinner as we were sitting on a bench outside a pub. "I wanted you to see something tonight I found in the woods the other night. It is quite a sight." He smiled one of /those/ smiles and I couldn't help but wonder more. "Well, is there anything else you would care to do before heading back?" I asked as I bit my tongue with anticipation. "I would like to go into this pub." He said simply. "Alright! Let's go!" I jumped up and clapped smiling madly.  
About an hour or so after first walking into the pub we were drinking all sorts of things. I was laying my head on the counter slurring the lyrics of a song that the jukebox was playing. Mr. Crepsley laid a cold hand on my back. "I think it is time to go." He said as he stood up, he seemed fine but I need help walking. We got to the door and he wrapped his arm around my waist and I slung my arm around his shoulders and struggled to the city line. We stopped by the spot he wanted to show me. It didn't look like much, but I kept my mouth shut incase it was surprise. He sat next to me for a while, I swayed a bit but I was getting a hold of controlling myself before I completely lost it.  
Mr. Crepsley stood up beside me and walked in front of me. Taking my hands he pulled me up and I stumbled a bit, softly falling into him. He steadied me and I smiled up at him, "Hello." I said as I swayed, my vision slightly blurred. I had no idea what was going on, but it felt magical. "S-so what were you going to show me?" I said as I placed my hands on his shoulders to steady myself. "Oh, it is nothing much." He smirked against the moonlight. "Just this." He whispered leaning forward and kissing me deeply.


	11. Chapter 11

Seconds passes and I slightly lost my balance so the kiss was broken. I smiled into his moon lit eyes. "I lov-" I began but he slapped a hand over my mouth, drug me to the ground, -I forgot to mention that Vampires also can produce a gas that can knock out humans and half vampires. It's mostly for feeding purposes. - and knocked me out with his gas.  
I came too hours later. I was in my own hammock, alone. I was relieved because I had a pounding headache from all I had drank last night. I was slightly confused. The only thing I could remember was me and Mr. Crepsley going out for drinks, I don't even remember walking back to camp. I groaned as I sat up. My muscles were stiff and they ached. I rubbed my temples as my headache got worse now that I was moving. I slung my body off the hammock and wobbled on my feet. I drug myself over to the mirror I had in my tent and looked at myself, my jaw dropped. I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was a mess, my lips were chapped. I looked awful. I sighed and sat in my chair. Just /trying/ to remember the events of last night, but I got nothing.  
"Darren!" Mr. Crepsley called out. I rushed to meet him. He scrunched his face when he saw me. "You look.. Well." He smiled sarcastically. I grunted and sighed, placing my hands on my hips. "What did I do last night?" I asked calmly. "You simply fell unconscious." He shrugged uneasily. "Alright." I finished, not completely sure of his answer. "Alright, I feel like crap, but what are we doing today?" "Training, It seems like you have been quite shaky when it comes to handling Madam Octa. Not to mention we have a performance tomorrow." I groaned at the thought of mental work when I couldn't even remember the following night. "Do we really ha-" I was rudely cut off by a scoff of Mr. Crepsley. "Let us get a move on please, Master Darren. Do not question me and my logic as this time. I expect to see you ready and waiting at my tent in thirty minutes." He walked pass me with a swish of his coat. He stopped on his heel and turned and looked at me. "And make sure you look better than you do now." And with that he vanished, leaving me to wallow in pain. Thirty minutes came and went. I took a shower, got dressed, I still felt awful. I forced myself outside and hissed at the sun. I saw a few cirque members around the camp as I headed to Mr. Crepsley tent. "Hello, Mr. Tall!" I called as I saw the monstrous man. "Master Darren!" The man boomed, making me stop in my tracks. "Larten told me to find you and give you a message, but I sadly was distracted. He canceled this evenings activities, something important came up." He nodded at me. I held in my cursing and swears. "Thank you sir. Do you have anything for me to do, and have you seen Evra?" "I have not seen Evra since last night, He talked to Mr. Crepsley and I have not seen him since, and no, everything is in order, you have the afternoon free." My stomach dropped. "Thank you sir, If you need me." I nodded before turning away and walked. My walked quickly turned into a jog, my jog turned into a slow run. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to find either, Evra or Mr. Crepsley.

Time passed, I was exhausted, I found myself in the forest where me and Mr. Crepsley meet in. A strange feeling came over me, a bit of déjà vu, if you will. My head started to hurt again. I sat down on a large log, the déjà vu got worse, and the sun was setting, so I decided to turn in. I swung by Evra tent, to see if I could find anything strange. I rummaged around, but felt like some sort of jealous girlfriend looking around for stuff to yell at her boyfriend for. I didn't find anything, so I sat on his mat, when I did, I felt something crunch, like paper. I looked under his pillow to find some sort of letter thing. I opened it up to see something shocking yet extremely confusing. It was a note, it was written beautifully with little hearts all over it. I thought it was something old from Debbie or Evra trying to write squishy notes to me. Out of curiosity I read it, and every word I read I couldn't believe.

My dearest of loves, oh how I long for you, you're the air I breathe. The treasure I seek, Larten I hide my feelings for you only because I care. It angers me so much that you master, Darren. I was here first, We've known each other longer. I look at you as a father and my soul mate. I don't know what attracts me to you but.. Oh pardon my silly chatter. I must go. My /boyfriend/ needs me..

I shouldn't have been as upset as I was. Well, you could say I was: Mad as hell. I stuffed the note in my pocket and left the tent silently. Ignoring every single person who looked at me. I was completely enraged, I felt my face was hot, but I couldn't help it. I swallowed a scream but kept my head down as I stomped my way to Mr. Crepsley's tent. There, all I could do now was play the waiting game.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm not sure how long I sat there, It was not as long as I thought it was. I sat in his tent about thirty minutes, but it felt like hours. I heard a rustle that fueled me with adrenaline I stood up and went to the door. Then, there I was. Face-to-face with Mr. Crepsley. The tension was high, and he looked different. Suddenly a stench filled the air that made me cringe.

I inhaled deeply and narrowed my eyes. "You smell like snake blood." I looked into his eyes. He was silent for the time being. He gently pushed me aside and passed me. "Why are you here?" He questioned bluntly. "I came to find you." "Did you finish the jobs Mr. Tall instructed you to do?" "He didn't give me any jobs." I shifted my weight and crossed my arms, still facing away from him. "Why do you smell of snakes blood?" I asked him. "That is none of your concern." "Tell me." I said turning to him. Yet he stayed silent.

He was changing, it was slightly awkward but I caught myself watching him. My eyes traced his body but I pulled my sigh t away from it. My eyes fell to his clothes. There was drops of blood on his shirt. "You're just going to ignore me?" I said taking a step closer to him. "Darren, this is not the time for your questioning." He hissed as he put his coat on and brushed it off. He pushed me aside and left the tent, but I was hot on his heels. "Crepsley!" I yelled, making him freeze. I put my hand on his should an turned him around. The sun was setting and twilight sky made his skin look like a shade of grey. "Why are you doing this?" I said firmly, trying to intimidate the older Vampire. He looked at me with a silent stare for a creeping minute before, once again, ignoring me. He pushed pass me and walked out into the lamp lit grounds.

It was time to do the thing he hated most.

I dropped my shoulders and buckled my knees and let out a long, loud groan. "Mr. Crepsley." I dragged out as long as I could. He froze in his tracks and cringed. "So may the Gods help us, boy. Do not do that ever again." He turned to me and shot me a horrid look. I Looked into his eyes and drew a deep breath and proceeded to do it again! "Be quiet!" He said wrapping his arms around me tightly to muffle my whine. I stopped so he pushed me out of his hold but I grabbed two fistfuls of him, taking him with me as I tumbled to the ground.

We both crumpled to the ground. There was a moment of hesitation that make the air cold. He quickly stood up, brushing himself off he grunted. He glared at me when he saw me smirk. "Well then.." I said "Wanna help Shanypoo off the ground?" "Eat dust, Darren." He rolled his eyes as he helped me up, I tried holding onto his hands as long as it wasn't awkward, which wasn't long. After he snatched his hands away from mine he snarled "What are you doing, Darren?". "Tell me what you did with, Evra! What is this!" I said as I tossed him the crumpled note.

He took a moment to read it but after he did he threw up a queer blush and a seemingly fake smile. "This is…" He said before handing it back to me. "There is no time to discuss this. Go to bed, Darren." "Oh, hell no." I said pushing him back. "You're going to give me answers now. Where were you earlier? Why do you smell like snakes blood? Why won't you talk about this.. Disturbing letter to me? Why can't I remember what we did the night we went out?!" I cried out. My face was hot, my ears red I took a step back and prepared for the argument of a life time, or a nice beating. I waited for a moment, but all I heard was silence. "I do not know much of that horrid note, but otherwise…" He paused a took a step to his right. "Oh, you are not going to believe me, Darren. You are stubborn like that." "Tell me!" I roared, jumping to my feet. "Stop beating bushes and stop hiding stuff from me! I thought you were trustable! If you keep going about like this I won't believe anything you tell me!" "Evra is meeting a girl." He said simply and shrugged. "What?" I said. "What are you talking about?" I said tilting my head a bit as a wave of feelings washed over me, but something inside told me to fight it. "Evra. Is meeting a girl." He said it a bit rudely, but that's how the wonderful Mr. Crepsley was.


End file.
